It's been a very long time since I've been able to write anything. I've been on a long term writer's block. Partly because I have so much going in my mind and no way to let it all out. I have tried to write things down and try to relay how I feel but the problem is that I don't know how I feel. I'm not being emo, it's just a fact, there isn't a set word for the current emotion I'm feeling. The hardest part is that I can't talk about it to people. I don't trust what's going on in my head enough to talk about it, I don't want to hurt any body by saying what I might be thinking.
It's hard when you know you can't get what you want. Does that sound selfish? Probably. But I'm not talking about a toy or money or even something like good grades. I'm talking something intangible, nothing you can see on paper. And yet it's something that I feel so close to, that I can imagine so clearly. It's right in front of me but I wouldn't even dare to try and reach out to get it. It doesn't work that way.
I wish I could make more sense. Maybe someone could help me. I'm not depressed, just empty. I'm not said, just grey. I'm content but only to a certain limit. I feel full of life but not so full of love. And I wish I knew what was better for me so I could fix this.